omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
