I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
