i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
