What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
