Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
