At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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