life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
