So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My pussy is not your playground.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
