i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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