i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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