God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
