I am in a vortex of obligation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
