My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
