He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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