Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
