If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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