He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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