It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
