I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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