I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
