this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
