you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
