Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
