hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
