well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
