I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
