We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
