I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
