Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
