Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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