I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
