I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
