My friends, they love my intelligence
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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