talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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