oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
