Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
