the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
