McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
