tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
