he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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