So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
