I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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