I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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