I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
