I want to stick my p in your. b.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
