I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
