I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
