I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
