am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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