every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
