This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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