She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
