I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
