Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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