Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
