Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
